Sunday, August 22, 2010

Adoption Loss

Sometimes, it's incredibly easy for us as adoptive parents to glorify adoption and all that it is. But the reality is, adoption is an act created from a very, very difficult circumstance. Our children have suffered a great loss, one that no amount of bandaids, ointment, hugs or kisses can heal.

Sometimes, love is NOT enough.

I've been reading a blog of a young woman adopted from Taiwan. She has searched and found her first family in Taiwan and spent three months overseas with them. She loves her adoptive family, but writes a blog to help adoptive parents understand her perspective.

I'll warn you, parts of it are hard to read. But I think we owe it to our children to open our minds to some of the darker aspects of adoption.

Here's the blog:

Please read it, and let me know what you think. I'd love to dialogue more with adoptive parents about this.


HollyMarie said...

You know we can chat about it the next time we get together. :) Yeah, I've been following her blog for a few months now.. she doesn't blog super often, which is good in that it gives me time to really think about what she's written!

Mike Thomas said...

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directory. We would
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Mike Thomas

Red Thread to my Daughter said...

I have to say that I tend to stay away from these blogs. It seems that many of the women that blog are very angry. I did go to her site and first the posts are wayyyyy tooo long, and second not sure what she is really trying to say,did she have a good experience- not have etc. There were a few links that were good to follow from her blog. I look at it like this. There are many adults whether adopted or not that are angry with their parents. Some choose to resolve their anger some don't = so read these adult adoptee blogs witha grain of salt. Just be the best parent you can be. And here is an interesting idea that I heard from one of the speakers in a you tube video when you google: Adopted the movie- He said that being an adopted asian american is a lot like being 3rd generation asian american. Hmmm.
Hope this wasn't too long...

Lisa said...

I've been hesitant to leave my thoughts but I too have frequented her site in the past. Currently I only do so from time to time and honestly found that I needed to distance myself from it for many reasons. Not even so much from her beliefs & experiences, but from the other commenters and the many destructive tangents I have seen them (and the conversations )collapse into.

Also be a bit wary; sadly I became the target of some abuse ( though at the very least the person sent it via email as opposed to Anon. through my blog comment section) from one of her followers. It was strange and unsettling to say the least.

I have also received a few personal emails from her and I believe her to be writing from a perspective of deep hurt & loss. Nevertheless, one wonders as to her aims in sharing it all......if its closure she seeks, I'm simply not certain this is the correct forum. Then again who am I to say? If its something else altogether, then sadly I believe that even she does not realize the true objective.

My wish for her would be to have peace, understanding and validation from those she desperately seeks it from.

I guess that would be my wish for my own 2 also.

Cavatica said...

Hi! I found your blog from the one you reference and I've been following her for years and I've learned a lot. Do I find some things difficult? Yes. Do I recognize her bias? Yes. I also must recognize my own. Both likely ever changing. I have seen quite a bit of change in her as I've followed and I know my views on adoption and how I parent my daughter (adopted from China) have changed. People change as a result of their experiences and what they learn. I plan to continue following her and expect she will continue to teach me. That's my take.

Mei Ling said...

Blog owner of the linked site here:

"I did go to her site and first the posts are wayyyyy tooo long, and second not sure what she is really trying to say,did she have a good experience- not have etc."

This is precisely why I don't detail my childhood or say if I did or did not have a good experience.

It gets simplified and analyzed.